Why Are Men Not Feeding Their Families?

Every Pastor, I’m sure, is familiar with Christ’s instructions to Peter, and the chances are good that these instructions are the guiding creed that they follow. The instructions are as follows.

John 21:15-17 CSB When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these? " "Yes, Lord," he said to him, "you know that I love you." "Feed my lambs," he told him. 

16 A second time he asked him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me? " "Yes, Lord," he said to him, "you know that I love you." "Shepherd my sheep," he told him. 

17 He asked him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me? " Peter was grieved that he asked him the third time, "Do you love me? " He said, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." "Feed my sheep," Jesus said. 

These instructions should guide not only every pastor but every man who writes articles, teaches from the pulpit, or evangelizes to the general public. We should be striving to provide the appropriate level of food for those we are teaching to fill them spiritually, milk for those new to the faith, and well-prepared meat for those who have long been in the faith. Not all meat is equal, and just because you are giving meat to those you teach doesn’t mean it’s helpful. You can either deliver a tender and juicy steak that’s easy to digest or one that is burnt to a crisp and hardly fit to be called food. There’s another spectrum of men that should be living by these words, for it is their God-given responsibility to do so.

Paul can be a controversial author, especially in the modern Church age, but what he says in the next verses we are going to take a look at cannot be disputed (though many will try), and it becomes crystal clear in light of the rest of scripture.  

1 Corinthians 14:33-35 CSB since God is not a God of disorder but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, 

34 the women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but are to submit themselves, as the law also says. 

35 If they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home, since it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

This section is especially controversial, but as we explore our topic today, perhaps some light will be shed on the reason behind it. Anyways, verse 35 is of particular interest to us, and it lays out that women are supposed to be learning from their husbands. In other words, their husbands are supposed to be their principal source of spiritual instruction and learning. Well, okay. Perhaps that was just Paul and his own opinion, so let’s keep on looking. What we are venturing into here is the role that God gave to husbands and wives.

1 Timothy 5:8 CSB — But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

God gave it to husbands to be the providers for the family, and I put it to you that He made it their responsibility to be the spiritual providers for their family as well. The first flock a man is given is his wife, and then later, his children. He is responsible for feeding them spiritually and providing them with the appropriate food level. It's his job to keep them spiritually healthy. We are all sheep at some point, and we all get spiritual food from somewhere. Whenever we are teaching, we are giving food to those in need. It's either junk food that doesn't satisfy or it's high-quality meat that fills and grows strong spiritual muscles. 

Now in order to be able to give meat, we have to be able to eat meat ourselves. This means moving beyond the basics to the deeper meaning of the Word of God. 

1 Corinthians 3:2 CSB — I gave you milk to drink, not solid food, since you were not yet ready for it. In fact, you are still not ready,

If we've been in the Church, in the Faith, walking God's way for a long time, then still needing milk is laziness on our part. We ought to be eating solid food!

Hebrews 5:11-14 CSB — We have a great deal to say about this, and it is difficult to explain, since you have become too lazy to understand. Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the basic principles of God’s revelation again. You need milk, not solid food. Now everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature ​— ​for those whose senses have been trained to distinguish between good and evil.

We ought to be teachers! We should be able to feed the sheep we are responsible for with quality meat! Instead, we ourselves still need to be taught again the elementary principles of Christ. 

Hebrews 6:1-2 CSB — Therefore, let us leave the elementary teaching about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works, faith in God, teaching about ritual washings, laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment.

Needing milk as a new believer is not a bad thing, but its purpose is to grow us into strong and mature members of the body of Christ! We aren’t supposed to stay put still needing a liquid diet.

1 Peter 2:1-2 CSB — Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all slander. Like newborn infants, desire the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow up into your salvation,

Milk prepares us to eat solid food and grows us into our salvation, but if we stay only on milk, we will get fat and lazy spiritually with flabby spiritual muscles. It's vital that we feed the sheep; we are responsible for milk as they grow and then good quality, well-prepared meat when they are mature believers!

I keep saying “the sheep we are responsible for as if we all have sheep we are responsible for, but we aren't all pastors, are we? No, not exactly, but we all have sheep that we care for. Those who look to us for an example of what a man of God looks like are our sheep by example, just as we are someone else's sheep by example. Are you a married man, or do you want to be married someday? I assume that the answer for most of you is yes, so let's take a look at something Paul said in relation to this. 

Titus 1:6 NKJV — if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.

1 Timothy 3:2-5 NKJV — A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);

The requirements for someone to become an elder or pastor are that he has his own house under control and that he rules and tends his own house appropriately. If he can't feed and tend his own flock, how can he be responsible for the greater flock of God? The requirements for one to become an elder are that he is faithful in the little things, faithful in feeding the first flock he is given before he is entrusted with tending and feeding the larger flock. 

Luke 16:10 NKJV — “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.

Our wives and our children are the first ones that we are entrusted with by God to feed and take care of. It's our training grounds for the kingdom when we will be teaching millions, but also in the short term if God entrusts us with a larger flock to feed and take care of. Husbands and fathers bear the responsibility of covering their wives and children to feed them spiritually. We all have or will have a flock. Whether it’s those who look to us for an example, a congregation, or our family, we all have a flock to feed. This means we have to be eating meat ourselves so that we have spiritual meat to offer. That's the thing about teaching: you have first to become whatever it is you desire your student to become. 

What is spiritual meat? Well, it is something that requires chewing and digestion. It requires processing. Meat is for those who can discern between right and wrong, which is for a good reason. Meat is more complicated to digest, and not all is good meat. Some of it is downright poisonous and false teachings, so we have to be able to discern between what is the truth of God and what is from Satan. So spiritual meat gets you thinking, and it’s not just something you can hear and then go on about your day without another thought. It requires prayer, study, and practice to get the most out of it. For example, keeping the Holy Days is the milk of the Word, and getting baptized is the milk of the Word, but the meaning behind the Holy Days and the meaning behind baptism is the meat of it. There’s always a deeper understanding and a deeper level you can go to, which is the meat of the Word. That’s what we are to be earnestly seeking to understand so that we can then prepare it and feed it to others.   

When we come before God at the end of time, we have a responsibility to answer for those He entrusted us to feed. Just as Christ commanded Peter to feed and tend His sheep, so He has commanded us to feed and tend the sheep He has given us. We have a great spiritual responsibility to teach and nurture them. We will stand before God and answer for the way we took care of them. 

Jeremiah 23:1-4 CSB "Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture! " This is the LORD's declaration. 

2 "Therefore, this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says about the shepherds who tend my people: You have scattered my flock, banished them, and have not attended to them. I am about to attend to you because of your evil acts" -- this is the LORD's declaration. 

3 "I will gather the remnant of my flock from all the lands where I have banished them, and I will return them to their grazing land. They will become fruitful and numerous. 

4 "I will raise up shepherds over them who will tend them. They will no longer be afraid or discouraged, nor will any be missing." This is the LORD's declaration.

Conversely, our wives and children will answer for the way they followed us, which takes us back to why women are not allowed to speak or teach in the congregation. It's the order that God set up. The congregation is an extension of the family, and the order of the family is carried into the congregation. Men are supposed to feed the sheep they are given; in fact, they bear the spiritual responsibility before God to do so. They are the ones given the role of shepherd in the family and congregation. The primary source of spiritual instruction for women is first their father and then their husband once they marry. That has many implications, one of which is to seek out someone who knows more than you so they can feed you meat. 

Christ's words to Peter should cut every man to the heart and make them take very seriously the instructions in Deuteronomy to teach the children daily from the Word, but also to teach and provide spiritual meat for the wife they are responsible for. Every man lives under the instructions God once gave to Peter, but not all men bear the responsibility for the congregation, thankfully. 

We all live responsible for the instructions to “feed my sheep.” Our wives will starve spiritually if we don’t feed them, and to do that, we must be fed ourselves from Christ, our master, and from His word. It's not just us anymore; it’s not just ourselves; we have to worry about feeding the Word and getting into the Bible for those we bear responsibility for. We've got people depending on us to get into our Bibles daily, people depending on us for their spiritual food. That's a tremendous amount of responsibility, and I hope the weight of that pierces you to the heart just as it has me. As men, we owe it to Christ to feed His sheep. He is relying on us to feed the sheep He has put into our responsibility. 

©Kyle Bacher 2024